February 11, 1997 (Fundamental Baptist Information Service, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061-0368, fbns@wayoflife.org) - The following article, "Socialization," is by Pastor Ronald Williams (Believer's Baptist Church, 508 School St., Winona Lake, IN 46590) --

It has been of great interest to me to observe the critics of the fast-growing Home Education movement. It has been my experience that one of the most common accusations made to parents wishing to educate their children at home is that the children will suffer due to lack of "socialization." By this, the concerned critic of Home Education is voicing the fear that Johnny may end up socially retarded if he does not rub shoulders with enough of his peers and may not know how to get along in society as a well-adjusted personality.

Many voices of this school of thought are convinced that maximum exposure for Johnny to friends and activities is an absolute necessity for his well being and has a far-reaching impact on his ability to "get along" in a complex world.

Not surprisingly many Christians have obligingly accepted this theory as fact and have diligently sought to "socialize" their children. Most have found out to their chagrin, that once their child has been properly socialized, they have more than they bargained for.

Instead of producing Spurgeons, Moodys, Hudson Taylors, and Abraham Lincolns, "socialization" has largely produced carnal, worldly, feeling-oriented, Laodicean Christian youth.

Even the pagan world has authoritatively documented the deleterious effects of television on young minds. Yet, Christians are still heard not only to defend its usage and ownership, they maintain one is depriving his family if he destroys the family television. My dear Christian friend, your TV is indeed socializing your youngsters, but in a way you will profoundly regret in years to come.

How about friends? Surely our children should have many of them, especially if they are found in church and at our Christian school. May I respectfully point out that our churches and Christian schools in this country are filled with hard-hearted youth, whose hearts are clearly inclined toward this world. Because a youngster is involved in a church, youth group, or Christian school does not guarantee the impeccability of his character! Our girls over the years have confessed to having had sexual intercourse in the church building while activities are going on in other parts of the building! Many Christian school students use alcohol and dope. They lose their purity; they kill their babies. All of the wickedness you observe in the mass media has been confessed to our staff people by our live-in students, who, as you know, all come from fundamental backgrounds, and most of whom were enrolled in Christian schools [before coming to us].

How a child behaves in and adjusts to his family can be a possible forecast of how he will function in the world around him as an adult. This is precisely why it is so vital that he be taught to immediately and sweetly obey authority, learn the lessons of self-control over his flesh and feelings, and learn how to lovingly interact with his siblings.

As this happens, as an adult he will obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit and mandates of Scripture as a continuation of the obedient character formed as a child (Prov. 22:6). He will function as a self-controlled, responsible adult who realizes from his childhood training that giving vent to excess and following feelings create problems. More importantly for the purposes of this article, a child vigorously trained to responsibly interact with his brothers and sisters (the Bible presupposes the normal family has many children, Psalm 127:3-5; 128:3; 113:9), will be able to successfully integrate himself in most social situations as an adult.

Witness an early agrarian America with its rural economy, which in many instances, saw families living in comparative isolation from their nearest neighbors. Education and socialization of necessity took place within the confines of the immediate family circle. Responsibility and godly character thus formed produced a charactered leader such as Abraham Lincoln. On the other hand, "socialization" and peer interaction of contemporary Christian youth may reinforce hardened hearts and questionable character if the child's home is weak; because youth left to "socialize" (especially in unstructured, unsupervised ways) on their own will tend to reinforce one another's weakness of character.

I am convinced no child should be allowed unfettered and unsupervised fraternization outside the family circle if he is not correctly responding to his parents or siblings. God providentially places children in specific homes. Their problem by and large is not their "old-fashioned parents," but their unwillingness to obey godly authority. A rebel may well find comfort, acceptance and solace in the arms of uncharactered friends, but he has bypassed his primary responsibility to first find his pleasure, joy, peace, and fulfillment in his family. To put it another way, a child properly socialized with his parents and siblings is a far better prepared candidate for marriage and ministry than one who is primarily socialized with friends.

Instead of obligingly going along with whatever direction your child is heading, and instead of accepting his circle of friends and activities, you must choose them for him based on your Scripture-enlightened discernment.

It is about time some Christian parents said to another set of parents, "Our kids are not good for one another." This is not unloving. That is love and genuine caring. We must very carefully gauge the effect children have on one another.

Scripture warns us that evil character is contagious: "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor. 15:33; see also Haggai 2:12-13; Prov. 22:24-25). If your child has one friend with evil character, he will be infected with that character without exception. You must very carefully choose his friends and associations and just as closely monitor his activities. The chief friends of a child ought to be his godly parents, and secondarily, his godly siblings. Other friends and associations should have a lesser priority.

To some, these ideas seem narrow and restrictive. This is true. So are the Scriptures. In fact, the Scriptures picture the godly life in this way, yet it is filled with happiness, peace, and joy.

Whereas, worldly Christians are busily "socializing" their children to their detriment and exposing them to all manner of things this world has to offer, the narrow-minded fundamentalist agrees with Paul: "I would have you wise unto that which is good and simple concerning evil" (Rom. 16:19). Ask Jacob and Leah how happy they were when their daughter Dinah was "socialized" (Gen. 34:1-5). [Consider the sorry condition of Lot after he lost his entire family because of his socialization with the world.] Read the Old Testament closely and see how God was "pleased" when Israel became "socialized" with the pagan nations around her. Israel's many compromises and her ultimate apostasy should stand out as clear warnings for us today (1 Cor. 10:11).

Noah appeared to the world of his day as a religious fanatic, yet his family alone was saved. Abraham kept his family at arm's length from his Canaanite neighbors and their filthy abominations and produced a godly Isaac. Jonadab refused to obey the social planners and polite society of his day, maintained a strict lifestyle for himself and his family and had the joy of looking over the ramparts of Heaven 400 years later to see his descendants still living separated lives (Jer. 35:5-10), uncontaminated by the world.

It is my prayer that you see the two contrasting principles in all of this. The satanically-dominated world says "socialize," whereas the Word of God says "SEPARATE"!