Part I: God’s Laws Against Divorce

Part II: God’s Forgiveness for Divorce: Ministering to Divorced Souls

Part III: Interpretive Quagmires in the Divorce/Remarriage Issue

March 23, 2004 (Fundamental Baptist Information Service, P.O. Box 610368, Port Huron, MI 48061, 866-295-4143, fbns@wayoflife.org; for instructions about subscribing and unsubscribing or changing addresses, see the information paragraph at the end of the article) -

The following article examining divorce and remarriage is by Vince Londini, Associate Pastor, Bethel Baptist Church, London, Ontario, vlondini@bethelbaptist.ca --

MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE IN ALL

Read Genesis 2:21-24
“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Matthew 19:6
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”

Marriage is a distinctly Christian institution, based on God’s Word, which we trust when it says that God created everything, including man, and established marriage for mankind. The marvel of our present society’s wholesale rejection of marriage is no mystery when we consider that our culture has rejected the God who established it.

The fellowship and union of marriage may be the most wonderful relationship God ordained for mankind, short of the indwelling of God’s Spirit in the born-again soul.

Hebrews 13:4
“Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Marriage is honorable in all! But, Satan and the carnal world system deny this. Beware the worldly philosophies that tell you marriage is a drag, a prison, or slavery. Beware the bitter spirit of the modern feminist movement wherein women adopt a critical and bitter attitude toward men. Beware the spirit of lust whereby men and women want to live playboy lives instead of marrying and establishing a home. All of those spirits are of the devil!

Marriage is honorable in all! It exalts the male-female relationship. Marriage frees their relationship from all guilt, shame, and immorality. The marriage makes the relationship between a man and a woman honorable before God!

It brings honor to each spouse. The world’s lie is that the single, loose-living, party-lifestyle is freedom. How is it freedom for the woman whose man expects her to share his intimacy and support him in life, yet he might move on if he meets someone prettier, friendlier, or more agreeable? Is it freedom for the man whose woman shares his heart, cheers his days, thrills his soul, and yet might be moving on if some other man is more exciting, more handsome, or wealthier? No! Marriage offers faithfulness and permanence in exchange for companionship, love, intimacy, support, and friendship. Marriage is the honorable way to treat each other. Marriage frees from the tyranny of uncertainty. Is it any wonder so many men and women are anxious or hurting considering that they are trapped in the “freedom” of non-commitment?

It brings honor to the children. It models a trusting, faithful relationship that works through its differences, respects each other, and builds each other up. The children learn from both the male and female influences how to treat their future employers, spouse, and their own children.

It brings honor to God. The unselfish Christian marriage in which both parties give 100% to each other models Christ’s love of His saints and their devotion to Him. Since marriage is obedience to God’s commands, it honors God by a submission to His will to conduct properly this relationship.

Though we won’t take the time to examine it, Ephesians 5:21-33 expresses the aim of all Christian marriages, the unity in love, complete devotion, and tender care of each spouse one for the other. The passage teaches the husband and the wife to submit to each other, ensuring the home does not become a dictatorship run by either party. Husbands are called upon to lead the home with the same love for his wife as he has for himself, modeling Christ’s love and intercession for His redeemed ones. Wives are urged to submit themselves devotedly to their husbands, modeling the devoted submission of the believer to His God.

THE ATTACKS ON MARRIAGE

Humanity’s rebellion against Eden’s laws did not end with the Fall into sin. Humanity has been defying God’s other foundational commands for nearly as long.

Contrary to Genesis 1:28, abortion and radical environmentalism rage against specific parts of the foundations God laid for humanity. Adam and Eve themselves broke Genesis 2:16-17, destroying God’s original order and bringing sin upon all of us. Since the Fall, humanity throughout the ages has defied God’s example in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Genesis 2:24 explicitly states that a man (singular) and a woman (singular) will separate from family and establish their own home as one co-operating unit (“one flesh”). It further states that each couple should marry this way because of (“therefore”) Adam and Eve’s example.

Man responds with polygamy, denying the singular nature of marriage, and with divorce…tearing apart the one flesh. When we consider divorce as a tearing apart of one body, we have a good picture of the emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual rending of the souls involved.

Man must have very quickly begun divorcing. In Leviticus 21:7&14, 22:13, and Numbers 30:9 we find the first four mentions of divorce. The Hebrew word here means, “to cast out, to drive away, to thrust out.” It implies a violent ejection from the home. It means more than a separation. It means rejection. Apparently, men in their lusts had developed the habit of driving away a wife that did not please them for some reason.

In an age rife with polygamy (Lamech, Esau, Jacob, Gideon, the kings…) why would a man get rid of his wife, when his wicked culture already condones marrying multiple more? Perhaps, he did not want to support her financially. Maybe she angered him in some way. Or, he may have sought to pay lip service to the singular nature of marriage, but wanted to get a different woman for some reason. What wickedness! What selfish lusts! Without the intervention of God, mankind is hopelessly selfish and cruel!

By the time Israel left Egypt they must have been wantonly divorcing their spouses to fulfill their lusts. Undoubtedly, the Israelites had learned from the Egyptians the immoral habit of marrying and divorcing, throwing away the unwanted spouses according to the lusts of their flesh.

God acts to eliminate this unjust throwing out an unwanted wife in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. God gives His Law against divorce.

GOD’S OLD TESTAMENT LAW AGAINST DIVORCE

Deuteronomy 24:1-4
“When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.”

Here, God limits the rejection of a wife. No longer can she and her children be thrown out on a whim. Divorce is now only allowed in one case. The word “divorcement” is a different word than used previously. It simply means “a cutting off.” No longer is violent, lustful ejection of the wife allowed. Only for “uncleanness” can she be cut off, and only then by a due process whereby the man publicly documents his cause, probably before a judge. This ends the marriage. Notice that a woman in OT Israel finds much protection under God’s law, which she did not have under the reign of heathenism. A further protection for her is the right to remarry once put out by her previous husband. The divorce and remarriage are tied together. If it was right for her husband to divorce her, it is right for her to find another husband who will support and love her. If divorced again, she may not return to the first husband, quite possibly to instill the seriousness of divorce.

What could constitute “uncleanness”? The word means, “disgraceful behavior, or shameful exposure.” “Uncleanness” definitely refers to sin against God’s laws. The “uncleanness” must not have been adultery, for adulterers were condemned to death by stoning, not divorced and free to remarry. In Ezra 10:10-19 Scripture tells of a mass divorce. The words “put away” tell how devout Israelites divorced their heathen spouses and children in order to be separated as God demanded. Here the “uncleanness” was the heathen nationality of the wives involved.

Does it surprise you that God’s OT law against divorce was so loose? I believe many of us have approached the Bible with a well-intentioned agenda to make it say what we believe, instead of listening to God’s Word speak for itself. Or perhaps it surprises you that God is so narrow? God does not want marriage taken lightly.

The only two other uses of any form of the word “divorce” in the OT occur in the following two verses:

“Thus saith the LORD, Where is the bill of your mother's divorcement, whom I have put away? or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities have ye sold yourselves, and for your transgressions is your mother put away” (Isaiah 50:1).

“And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also” (Jeremiah 3:8).

Here, we see that God has just cause to divorce His people from Himself. He justly cuts off the unfaithful nation of Israel. Happily, we read elsewhere that God will restore his OT people to Himself. “For I would not, brethren, that ye should be ignorant of this mystery, lest ye should be wise in your own conceits; that blindness in part is happened to Israel, until the fulness of the Gentiles be come in. And so all Israel shall be saved: as it is written, There shall come out of Sion the Deliverer, and shall turn away ungodliness from Jacob” (Romans 11:25-26).

What do we conclude? God hates the practice of unjust divorces, the abusing and tyranny of men (or women) emotionally destroying and breaking up their family, marrying and divorcing at will to fulfill the lusts of their flesh.

“Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously” (Malachi 2:14-16).

In the Old Testament, God demanded His people not divorce, except in some difficult situations called “uncleanness.”

GOD’S NEW TESTAMENT LAW AGAINST DIVORCE

It is no surprise that man is wicked and perverse; lying, lusting, and trying to use Scripture to justify his selfishness. By Jesus’ day, some Rabbis interpreted “uncleanness” very conservatively, but others allowed divorce for “every cause” as seen in Matthew 19. (Important point: Beware of following this preacher or that preacher. Rather, listen to God’s Word, being neither looser nor stricter than God is.) The result was undoubtedly a return to the unjust putting away of helpless women and children. We see in Matthew 19:7 that some even treated Deut. 24:1-4 as a command to divorce, rather than a permission that need not necessarily be taken. The fate for the rejected women and children was likely poverty, hardship, and possibly starvation.

Jesus first addresses the subject in Matthew 5:31-32.

“It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”

Naturally, the religious leaders of Jesus’ day asked Him for His interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. In Matthew 19:3-12, Jesus speaks to this subject. Notice that He models the correct approach to understanding this subject. He starts in Genesis then refers to Deuteronomy, then makes His own pronouncement. We have tried to follow His example.

Read Matthew 19:3-12
“The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

Re-read Matthew 19:9
“And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”

Christ gives his own law regarding marriage, which is much narrower than the Old Testament law. Christ expects a marriage to be “until death” unless one of the spouses is sexually unfaithful. The Greek word translated “fornication” (porneia) often means premarital immorality (1 Cor. 7:2); also in 1 Corinthians 5:1 it refers to a case of adultery. We would do well to understand it to mean any sexual unfaithfulness including bestiality, homosexuality, and child molestation. [Strong defines the Greek word “porneia” as “harlotry (including adultery and incest).” Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines “fornication” as “the incontinence or lewdness of unmarried persons, male or female; also, the criminal conversation of a married man with an unmarried woman.”]

To emphasize His narrowness, the other two accounts of Christ’s speech in Mark 10:1-12 and Luke 16:16 do not include this exception. Literally, Christ forbade all divorce/remarriage and all marrying of divorced people, except when a spouse is unfaithful. In that emotionally heart-rending, trust-destroying situation, Christ allowed the grieved spouse to walk away from the marriage without blame, free to remarry and put his or her life back together. Remember that remarriage is inherent in the Old Testament permission to divorce in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, which Christ here replaces. Notice how Christ ties together the divorce and remarriage with the word “and” when He says, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, excepting for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery.” Here Christ ties the divorce and remarriage together.

The disciples are shocked by the narrowness of Jesus’ pronouncement. Good people today might stagger at Christ’s narrowness and argue that divorce is justified in cases of spousal abuse, abandonment, financial irresponsibility, or unforeseen circumstances such as health issues like infertility (a discussion of what should be done in such devastating cases is beyond the scope of this lesson). Here, the disciples question the value of risking marriage, fearing they might be permanently saddled with a “lemon.” Christ replies by warning them that single-hood is only for a few who can accept such a lifestyle (Matthew 19:11-12).

Let us summarize Christ’s teaching on divorce/remarriage. Our Lord forbade all divorce/remarriage except for the cause of an unfaithful spouse. In the case of unfaithfulness, the innocent partner can seek to be freed from such a hurtful yoke and remarry. Such an innocent party is not an adulterer in exercising this permission. However, if a couple divorces for any other cause, they commit adultery in the divorce and remarriage. Sound Bible expositors such as Matthew Henry, H A Ironside, D Martyn Lloyd-Jones, Matthew Poole, John R. Rice, John Walvoord, and David Cloud agree that Christ forbids all divorce except for spousal unfaithfulness.

However, some argue that Christ was not narrow enough. One common attempt to negate Christ’s exception is to argue that Christ was illuminating the Law instead of speaking principles for the age of Grace. I must say that I strongly sympathize with the desire to oppose the huge tide of unjust divorces in our day, but we must not go beyond the Scriptures. Christ Himself said that the preaching of the Kingdom began with John the Baptist two verses before addressing divorce in Luke 16:18. In Matthew 16-18, the three chapters leading immediately into our text in chapter 19, Jesus teaches His disciples the foundational principles of His church. He founded the church age in Matthew 16. There is every exegetical reason to believe His instructions in chapter 19 apply to His churches. Interestingly, H. A. Ironside addresses this objection, pointing out the incorrectness of it.

We find the next major text on divorce/remarriage in I Corinthians 7.

Read 1 Corinthians 7:10-16
“And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?”

What does the phrase, “yet not I, but the Lord” mean? Paul is pointing out that he is referring to what Christ said while on Earth. On the other hand, in verse 12 we read, “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” Paul points out that he is now going to add to what Christ said. Paul is simply fulfilling John 16:12-13 where Christ pre-authenticated the New Testament epistles. Some misunderstand Paul’s second remark to mean that Paul is denying God’s authority and inspiration on his statements. However, that is not Paul’s point at all. He is simply showing when he is referring to Christ’s command and when he is adding to it by the Holy Spirit. 2 Timothy 3:16 assures us that “all Scripture is given by inspiration of God” and we need not worry about how to weed through it to pick out the uninspired parts.

Notice that Paul does not repeat Christ’s exception. Is Paul now contradicting Christ? We must understand this verse in light of what Christ already said. The repetition of part of a statement cannot be taken to negate the rest of the statement, unless explicitly so stated. (If Richard says, “I really enjoyed the pizza and Coke,” and I quote him to someone else as saying “Richard says he enjoyed the pizza,” I do not mean to deny his enjoyment of the Coke. I am selecting what is appropriate to my audience.)

Paul here quotes part of the command to affirm the permanency of marriage, not to contradict what Christ has already said. Obviously, the God who gave both passages is not contradicting Himself. If He intended to disallow the exception, He would have explicitly stated so, just as Christ pointedly replaced the OT law of divorce with His own.

In 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 16, the Holy Spirit teaches Paul how to deal with the situation of a believer married to a lost person. The believer must not initiate divorce, but work to win the unbeliever and use the sanctifying influence of the indwelling Spirit to bring light to the home.

According to 1 Corinthians 7:15, the believer may not divorce the unbelieving spouse. If the unbeliever abandons the spouse, the believer is to let them go and is not under obligation to stop the unbeliever. Instead, the believer is to be peaceable toward the unbeliever, as verse 16 goes on to show, hoping to win them to Christ.

Some assert that “not under bondage” means, “free to remarry.” If that was meant, we could ask why God did not speak more plainly. Consider that if the departing spouse is sexually active with someone else, the exception of Matthew 19:9 gives the believer freedom to remarry. Otherwise, the context of the verse is about not divorcing and about displaying Christ to try to win the spouse. Albert Barnes states that this phrase simply absolves the believer from having to help the abandoning spouse in the future. Jamison, Faussett, and Brown persuasively show that the phrase means the believer is not bound to try to save the marriage or resist the departure. Matthew Henry and Matthew Poole, nearly 400 years ago, saw the freedom from “bondage” as release from the marriage bond.

What do we conclude about “not under bondage”? Do we pick our favorite scholar’s viewpoint? Rather, let us examine the immediate context, which is about NOT divorcing. The thrust of the passage is to reach the unbelieving spouse for Christ. To here read a second exception to the divorce rule would seem to be taking liberty with Christ’s Words, which the Apostle is here explaining. The safest interpretation is to be no narrower, or broader, than Christ is. Further, to see “abandonment by the unbelieving spouse” as grounds for divorce puts us in the situation of trying to determine whether the departing spouse is born-again.

Therefore, we conclude that marriage is a sacred God-given institution. God expects marriage to be a permanent arrangement, but provides an exception. If one spouse is sexually unfaithful, the injured party has God’s permission to divorce/remarry.

HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS LESSON?

Perhaps you find God’s Laws Against Divorce too narrow, and wish for divorce exceptions that include incompatibility, unforeseen circumstances (such as infertility), criminal behavior of the spouse, abandonment, spousal-abuse, financial irresponsibility, or other causes. Certainly, no woman should stay in a home where she is being abused physically, mentally, financially, or emotionally. A period of separation, with a view to fixing the problems, could be recommended. If you are in this situation, and born-again, seek God’s Wisdom in His Word for how to respond to such terrible circumstances. He loves you and will help! If you are not born-again, repent and trust Christ for salvation. His indwelling Spirit will give you wisdom and strength.

Perhaps you find God’s Laws Against Divorce are too broad, and you would insist on no exception to the rule. We are not more Holy or more Just than He is. To be stricter than God would be arrogant. Moses was told to speak to the rock, but he was stricter…he struck it, and was forbidden to enter Canaan.

Perhaps you need to think this issue through. You may have never heard a sermon on this subject that simply examines what the Bible says. Maybe you have heard sermons that have superimposed a specific agenda onto the Words of God, either looser or stricter than God’s Words. Perhaps you want your preachers do your thinking for you. Or, perhaps you are worried what other people will think about your views.

In all cases, in a godly spirit study His Word! Interpret the Bible consistently and fairly to all of the verses involved. After you have prayerfully studied and considered this issue, I would be happy to discuss it with you!

This issue will not go away. Mankind has been divorcing since the Garden. The curse of selfishness and lust that leads to divorce is inherent in unsaved man and eventually invades and destroys every culture. It re-emerged in our culture some thirty-plus years ago and has nearly destroyed us as a nation. We must have a consistent, Biblical understanding of these things so we may rightly minister to souls for whom Christ died.